1. Do not pursue, reason, chase, beg, plead or
implore with him/her.
2. No frequent phone calls.
3. Do not point out good points in marriage.
4. Do not follow them around the house.
5. Do not encourage talk about the future.
6. Do not ask for help from family members.
7. Do not ask for reassurances.
8. Do not buy gifts.
9. Do not schedule dates together.
10. Do not spy on them.
11. Do not keep saying, "I Love You!" Because if you
have a brain in your head, he/she is at this particular
moment, not very lovable.
12. Act as if you are moving on with your life.
13. Be cheerful, strong, outgoing and attractive.
14. Don't sit around waiting on your spouse - get
busy, do things, go out with friends, enjoy old
hobbies, find new ones! But stay busy!
15. When home with your spouse, (if you usually start
the conversation) be scarce or short on words. Don’t
push any issue…no matter how much you want to!
16. If you are in the habit of asking your spouse his
whereabouts, ASK NOTHING. Seem totally uninterested.
17. You need to make your partner think that you have
had an awakening and, as far as you are concerned, you
are going to move on with your life, with or without
18. Do not be nasty, angry or even cold - just pull
back. Your spouse will notice. More important, they will
realize what they are missing.
19. No matter what you are feeling TODAY, only show
your spouse happiness and contentment. Show them
someone they would want to be around. Not a moody,
needy, pathetic individual.
20. All questions about marriage should be put on
hold, until your spouse wants to talk about it (which
may not be for quite a while).
21. Never lose your cool.
22. Don't be overly enthusiastic.
23. Do not argue about how they feel (it only makes
their feelings stronger).
24. Be patient
25. Listen carefully to what your spouse is really
saying to you.
26. Learn to back off, shut up and walk away when you
want to speak out. No one ever got themselves into
trouble by just not saying anything.
27. Take care of you, (exercise, sleep, laugh & focus
on all the other parts of your life that are not in
28. Be strong and confident and learn to speak softly.
29. Know that if you can do this 180, your smallest
CONSISTENT actions will be noticed much more than any
words you can say or write.
30. Do not be openly desperate or needy even when you
are hurting more than ever and are desperate and
31. Do not focus on yourself when communicating with
your spouse. Its’ not always about you!
32. Do not believe any of what you hear them say and
less than 50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak
in absolute negatives because they are hurting and
33. Do not give up no matter how dark it is or how bad
you feel. It “ain’t over till it’s over!”
34. Do not backslide from your hard earned changes.
ALL of these things will make you a much more
attractive individual because it shows that you are
NOT afraid to move on with your life. And without him!
More important, it will burst there positive little
bubble; the one in which they believe that they can
always come back to you in case things don't work out
with the Other Woman.
Many people faced with the devastation of an affair want to put their relationship back together yet they struggle with feelings
of uncertainty regarding how to proceed mentally and emotionally. I have found the following list of tips extremely helpful and
have recommended it to others in the past. This list comes from Michele Weiner Davis and can be found on the website
"Divorce Busters". Although I don't agree 100% with her philosophy, I do feel it is an excellent starting point toward regaining
ones sense of peace and sanity.
Cheating, and Infidelity
|Need to talk about it? Contact me for advice at the link below: